By: Lyn Pollard
I had to name the most challenging thing that I feel my children with LD and other special needs face on a day-to-day basis, I would say without hesitation that it’s just “fitting in” at school. While their father and I spend hours advocating for them to receive the special educational services they need, by far the biggest challenge that I observe my kids facing at school isn’t academic. It’s just being accepted for who they are and how they learn, communicate and play by their peers. Plain and simple. There are many times when I can see clearly that other kids don’t treat them the same as others because they realize my children are somehow different. And in all honesty, it’s heartbreaking.
So, while concerned parents certainly play a vitally important role in approaching our children’s schools to ask for academic assistance, accommodations, modifications and special services, what can we do to help our kids with differences not feel so different everyday at school? Aside from classroom settings, what challenges do children with LD face at school that parents should both anticipate and feel comfortable addressing in the way that is most appropriate for their child?
One of the main settings (outside of the classroom) where I see kids with differences struggle is in the lunchroom. Social challenges, sensory issues (such as sensitivity to loud noises, smells, tastes and textures) as well as problems related to ADHD can make the lunchroom an uncomfortable place for many kids with LD and other issues with learning and behavior. Other LD-specific problems like reading the menu (for kids with dyslexia), counting the right change (for kids with dyscalculia) and problems with coordination and fine motor skills (my son can have trouble opening a water bottle or plastic bag and my daughter sometimes has trouble balancing a cafeteria tray while walking to her table) can make the setting a downright nightmare for kids, especially if they are already feeling left out or stigmatized socially.
So what’s a parent to do?
- Discuss the cafeteria in your child’s 504 or IEP meetings. IEPs and 504 plans cover the entire campus, not just your child’s general and/or special education classrooms. If your child gets Occupational Therapy services, make sure your child’s therapist knows that your child needs help with things like such as carrying a tray or opening a package. Make sure the professional who works on your child’s reading helps them work on reading a menu (with the pressure of the cafeteria worker asking them what they want to eat!) and other practical daily skills that may be more challenging due to LD.
- Make sure that the IEP team designates a member to talk to the cafeteria monitor or other workers about your child’s challenges (in a discreet way) so that they can offer assistance and support when needed. Sometimes just one adult being aware of why and when a child may struggle can make a huge difference in a child’s confidence level. Both of my kids know that they can talk to the cafeteria monitor and ask for help and that she will not call them out or make them feel badly for doing so. This is a huge plus, but I had to bring up the cafeteria in IEP meetings for it to be addressed by our school. Don’t assume that the entire campus is on board and ready to serve your child if you don’t ask them to be prepared to do so.
- If you work with a private Occupational Therapist, Physical Therapist, or Speech Therapist, ask these professionals to work on cafeteria skills with your kids. They are great resources, and when you bring up a specific struggle your child is having, they are always more than happy to work on that specific scenario during their next therapy session. And you’ll be glad you asked when both you and your child see the results.
While I realize that a lot of this is typical parenting heartache, the degree to which you feel these growing pangs as a parent should not be increased simply due to the fact that your children are treated differently by their peers because they don’t accept or understand their differences. I find myself wanting to stop the kids that are leaving them out and explain what’s going on–but of course, I don’t. (My kids would die and my husband would kill me!) But, sometimes it just feels that an explanation is the only way to protect my children from feeling like there is something wrong with them when they are shunned or left out by their peers.
This article was edited for length.
Lyn Pollard is a freelance writer, parent advocate, and the mother of two children who learn and play differently. A former journalist and change management consultant, she writes, talks and tweets about advocacy, literacy and safe schools for students with learning disabilities and special needs. This article appears in full at the National Center for Learning Disabilties.
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